"Those who trust in worthless idols, forfeit the grace that could have been theirs. (Jonah 2:8)

One thing I commonly see in counseling is how we can worship our problems. At first the problems torment us and threaten to overwhelm us. But, we soon realize that we would have to face ourselves and deal with the root issue if the problems weren’t there. As a cover, we can make ourselves look like the victim of other people and our circumstances, "inadvertently" sabotaging God at every turn to prevent Him from solving our problem. Eventually, we need to ask ourselves if we truly hunger for Jesus or if we are simply fooling ourselves while seeking to be comfortable in our situation.

I see this quite often in couples who are separated and also between parents and children. One person begins to deal with personal underlying issues and reaches out in humility by seeking forgiveness and restoration. Because the other person (due to hurt and misunderstanding) is attempting to prove the worst about the person seeking restoration, everything is viewed through distorted emotional "lenses". This in turn leads to self-protection and defensiveness. The one who sincerely wanted to restore often withdraws, justifying the other person in his "judgement" because the situation proves that "that person" is exactly what he thought.

It is frightening to discover that old ways of relating to another person no longer work. When we find ourselves lost because of this, we scramble to hide and protect ourselves. If the other person wasn’t causing problems, we would have no excuse for our pain and resulting behavior. We want to believe and prove that others cause our problems so that we have an excuse for our misery without having to face the root--ourselves. We can avoid facing ourselves and dealing with the root issues by focusing on the outward manifestation of the problem. It can keep us distracted and consumed, masking the real issues. In appearance, we are a victim. The reality is we are allowing situations and people to "own" us: "My mess is her fault. My life will never be "right" because of what he did to me! My kids won’t turn out right because of "that" person. I did everything I could!" Now the problem becomes a necessity--an idol to be worshipped--because without it, we have no way of coping with life and covering or explaining our pain. It is a remarkable revelation when we admit that we actually believe our mate or another person has more power over us than God.

It is absolutely vital for us to allow the Lord to deal with us regardless of what someone else does. Jesus wants to be everything to us NO MATTER our situation.