Marriage
by Mike Rule

So many struggles in our marriages are symptoms of a deeper issue. We like to say that things like the kids, sex, money, communication, etc. are the problems. The reality is marriage does not cause problems but brings out the problems we have always had. For example, a wife may leave her husband because he is an alcoholic and is treating her badly. However, she also creates the thing she hates most in him. Because of the way she treats him, he reacts aggressively in an attempt to control the situation. When that does not work he will turn to alcohol to hide and to kill his feelings of insecurity and failure. This in turn makes her seek control in her way: by treating him rudely, belittling him, and ridiculing him more. It can cause an endless cycle ending in deep hatred for each other. We are often like parasites with no host, trying to feed off each other rather than turning to Jesus to have our deepest needs met. As we seek to have our deepest needs met by each other, we are not satisfied and end as two hurting, empty people running to our own ideas of what would bring us happiness.

There are three areas of marriage: The public marriage which is the image we want others to believe about us; our personal marriage which is the image we have of ourselves within our family; and our private marriage which is our behind-closed-doors marriage and what we are at our worst. This last one is the truest representation of all marriages. We all have experienced situations where the public image is so vastly different from the private one that when a couple divorces no one can comprehend how that "perfect" relationship could end. The problem is rooted in self rather than the marriage. We walk away from God before we ever walk away from our mate. Ultimately it is vital to understand that Jesus is what we are looking for in our marriages. Only He can satisfy our deepest longings and make our lives complete.