Wounded
By Mike Rule

People often ask me how I am doing in light of all the struggles we have had over the past several years, especially due to the recent foreclosure on our home. That is a very difficult question to answer. I have pondered it for months and it is only recently that I can sum it up in just one word – wounded.

The pain that has ensued because of the suffering has been tremendous. In my temper tantrum I have plunged deep into depression, anger, and entertained MANY different lusts of the flesh, all in an attempt to find some relief, some escape from the internal torment. I have considered suicide, or simply running away from all my responsibilities and starting a new life FAR away where no one would know me and I would know no one.

Then there have been the physical problems. I have seriously wondered what will take me out first – a heart attack, a stroke, or cancer. I have had chest pains many times over the past few months, seen improper brain function and slurred speech in my interactions, and experienced times of numbness in my limbs, among various other physical symptoms. At times I have wondered if a death sentence hangs over me and have felt hopeless, helpless, and powerless to do anything about it. And then the temper tantrum gets even worse and I go through all the temptations and struggles all over again.

Sometimes I feel betrayed, alone, and misunderstood, even by those with whom I am the most intimate. Sometimes I even feel as though the Lord has turned a deaf ear to me. I KNOW He is with me always, that He has never left me or forsaken me, yet there are times I wish I could flee from Him, get away from Him, to find someone who would DO something about our situation. ANYTHING would be better than this.

Or would it?

Experiencing the Life of Jesus in this world is extremely painful. It always costs us something. In fact, it costs us everything. I sit back at times and remember the day I told Jesus I wanted ALL He had for me in this life and that I wanted Him to have His way no matter how much I fuss, cuss, and scream. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that the Lord does not answer prayer. J

There are two passages of scripture that have become very personal for me. The first is, “...In the world you have trouble: but take heart! I have overcome the world. (Joh 16:33b BBE)” And the second, “For I am conscious that in me, that is, in my flesh, there is nothing good: I have the mind but not the power to do what is right. For the good which I have a mind to do, I do not: but the evil which I have no mind to do, that I do. But if I do what I have no mind to do, it is no longer I who do it, but the sin living in me. So I see a law that, though I have a mind to do good, evil is present in me. In my heart I take pleasure in the law of God, But I see another law in my body, working against the law of my mind, and making me the servant of the law of sin which is in my flesh. How unhappy am I! who will make me free from the body of this death? I give praise to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So with my mind I am a servant to the law of God, but with my flesh to the law of sin. For this cause those who are in Christ Jesus will not be judged as sinners. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. (Rom 7:18-8:2 BBE)”

But I also can say that “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the coming glory to be revealed in us.” (Rom 8:18 MKJV) As I see the Lord work and move in me, I would not trade any of it if it cost me that revelation of Christ in me. Do I like the process? Of course not!!! But just as a caterpillar goes through the process of becoming all wrapped up in itself, making its own tomb, and shaking to protect itself – so we also go through that same transformation process. It is only in the cocoon of struggles, trouble, problems, and suffering that we are transformed while being prepared to experience true freedom.

If you are struggling, suffering, and having problems in your life, don’t obsess on your sin, your pain, or your trouble. Let Him have His way IN you in the midst of it all, keep your heart open to Him in SPITE of it all, and He will lead you THROUGH it all. He is closer than you think, and He is doing something that will be worth all the pain and suffering. You can count on it. But don’t take my word for it – take His!

Verses for Reflection

The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. (2 Chronicles 16:9 a NLT)

"I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, In paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them And rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, And I will not leave them undone." (Isaiah 42:16 NASB)

I will rejoice and be glad because of Your mercy. You have seen my misery. You have known the troubles in my soul. (Psalms 31:7 GW)

I will boast only in the LORD; let all who are helpless take heart. (Psalm 34:2 NLT)

O LORD, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O LORD, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O LORD. The LORD is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way. The LORD leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands. For the honor of your name, O LORD, forgive my many, many sins. Who are those who fear the LORD? He will show them the path they should choose. They will live in prosperity, and their children will inherit the land. The LORD is a friend to those who fear him. He teaches them his covenant. My eyes are always on the LORD, for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies. Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble. Forgive all my sins. See how many enemies I have and how viciously they hate me! Protect me! Rescue my life from them! Do not let me be disgraced, for in you I take refuge. May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you. O God, ransom Israel from all its troubles. (Psalm 25 NLT)