Unless the LORD Build the House…
By Becky Rule

Due to some personal challenges, I've lately been pondering some issues related to family. For quite a few years now, Christians (and to a certain degree, our nation) have been very concerned over the decline of the traditional family. I find the statistics rather sobering myself, but something causes me to withhold judgment. I feel hesitant to panic and believe all is lost. I think God is trying to tell us something. Let me share my perspective on what that particular thing might be.

In musing over this topic, I took a mental trip through the Old Testament. Have you observed that the ancient Jews we esteem so highly did not intentionally have the mindset to "save family, save nation"? It was God who kept the family institution intact. They did not set about making strong families in order to have a strong culture and nation. It was God…GOD…GOD who maintained them, grew them, nurtured them. As much as we honor them, family strength does not appear to be a priority (or at least a reality) for them - their relationships were a wreck! Dysfunction is NOT a new concept. God did not accomplish His goals because of them but in spite of them.

One morning as I was preparing for my day, I continued to ponder family, togetherness, and my specific role in making my family simply that: a family. All of a sudden it dawned on me: families are not made, they are DISCOVERED. The thought stopped me short and I questioned it: WHAT? How can this be? The divine "yes" reverberated through me, but I had difficulty comprehending and receiving the truth. Can it be true? As with friendships, families are not MADE, they are DISCOVERED? The concept seems contrary to all we have been taught; however, I have observed the same pattern in my marriage, my friendships, and in my relationship with Jesus. It makes sense that family would be the same way. Why would it be different?

Again and again I find myself falling into the struggle between spending time ON or FOR the people in a relationship (Jesus, my mate, my children, and my family and friends) rather than spending time WITH the people in the relationship. Could it be that we have become lured into doing all WE can do FOR God? Are we seeking HIM, or what we can accomplish FOR Him? In our Christian zeal we can end up following a program, not a Person, and treating children as projects, not people. It is easy to fall into a "tower of Babel" mindset that seeks to build beautiful family relationships for the entire world to see…all for the glory of us and what we can accomplish (FOR Him, of course). Building moral, capable, competent contributors to society can become an end it itself and cause us to lose the very thing we are intending to create. How much of our parenting is in reaction to our own upbringing or to the culture in which we find ourselves?

I believe that, individual by individual, we are being brought to our knees before God to realize we need HIM to do what only He can do - create families who love each other and the people they encounter, to reach out in HIS strength, knowing we have nothing in and of ourselves. When we take our cues from God rather than reacting to the culture around us, we will not be placing the state of the nation and the world on the shoulders of our children, but on the shoulders of the only Child who was able to handle that kind of pressure and actually do something about it.

Verses For Reflection

If Jehovah does not build the house, they who build it labor in vain; if Jehovah does not keep the city, the one keeping it stays awake in vain. Psalm 127:1 (LITV)

In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence; and his children shall have a place of refuge. Proverbs 14:26 (KJV)

The refining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the hearts. Proverbs 17:3 (Hebrew Names Version)

Then His mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent a message asking for Him. A crowd was sitting around Him; and they said to Him, "Your mother and Your brothers are outside, asking for You." He replied, "Who are My mother and My brothers?" Looking at those seated in a circle around Him, He said, "See! Here are My mother and My brothers! Whoever does what God wants is My brother, sister and mother!" Mark 3:31-35 (Complete Jewish Bible) Yeshua [Jesus] looked around and said to His talmidim [disciples], "How hard it is going to be for people with wealth to enter the Kingdom of God!" The talmidim were astounded at these words; but Yeshua said to them again, "My friends, how hard it is to enter the Kingdom of God! It's easier for a camel to pass through a needle's eye than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God." They were utterly amazed and said to Him, "Then who can be saved?" Yeshua looked at them and said, "Humanly, it is impossible, but not with God; with God, everything is possible." Kefa [Peter] began saying to Him, "Look, we have left everything and followed you." Yeshua said, "Yes! I tell you that there is no one who has left house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children or fields, for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, who will not receive a hundred times over, now, in the 'olam hazeh [this world, this age], homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and lands - with persecutions! - and in the 'olam haba [the world to come, the age to come], eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first!" Mark 10:23-31 (CJB) Looking at his disciples, Jesus said, "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for people who "have it all" to enter God's kingdom?" The disciples couldn't believe what they were hearing, but Jesus kept on: "You can't imagine how difficult. I'd say it's easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye than for the rich to get into God's kingdom." That set the disciples back on their heels. "Then who has any chance at all?" they asked. Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it." Peter tried another angle: "We left everything and followed you." Jesus said, "Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land-whatever--because of me and the Message will lose out. They'll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and land--but also in troubles. And then the bonus of eternal life! This is once again the Great Reversal: Many who are first will end up last, and the last first." Mark 10:23-31 (The Message) For this reason, I fall on my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth receives its character. I pray that from the treasures of his glory he will empower you with inner strength by his Spirit, so that the Messiah may live in your hearts through your trusting. Also I pray that you will be rooted and founded in love, so that you, with all God's people, will be given strength to grasp the breadth, length, height, and depth of the Messiah's love, yes, to know it, even though it is beyond all knowing, so that you will be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who by his power working in us is able to do far beyond anything we can ask or imagine, to him be glory in the Messianic Community and in the Messiah Yeshua from generation to generation forever. Amen. Ephesians 3: 14-20 (CJB)