Two weeks ago I shared where the Lord has us financially and circumstantially in the article “Where is the God of Our Salvation?”.  Last week I continued with “Principles.”   This week I want to share more of my heart with you.

When my mom was dying with cancer in 2003 I wrote freely about what I was experiencing both before and after her death (see the segment on Death and Grieving on our website).  I felt free to share all I was going through during that period of my life, but that has not been the case in our financial struggle.  Until just recently I have not felt as free to share for a number of reasons. 

1. I don’t want to appear to be whining;
2. I don’t want anyone to think that we are using Reflections as a platform to “beg” for money;
3. Believers talk quite freely about nearly every aspect of life, including sex, except money.  My experience and observation has been that it is taboo to talk about money outside of “stewardship” and accountability.  We also seem willing to analyze and talk about everyone’s finances and spending habits, but are unwilling to freely share our own situation.  We don’t take kindly to others bringing up the subject of our personal finances.

The Lord has been convicting me of my fears and setting me free to share openly and unapologetically.  He reminded me that Living Reflections has been and always will be a vehicle through which we share what we have seen and heard as we walk with Him.   He also reminded me that people are subscribed to LR by choice, and if they don’t like the topic we are discussing they are free to unsubscribe at any time.  In light of that I must ask your forgiveness in holding back from sharing what the Lord is doing in this most painful area of our lives, not just recently, but for the past five years.  Please understand that I’m not writing this because I expect you to change or fix anything.  I’m simply telling you where the Lord has us. 

What amazes me the most is not how bad things are for us, but how well we are doing in the midst of it.  Things have NEVER been worse for us and I am not kidding when I say we are in BIG trouble if Jesus doesn’t show up.  Bill collectors are calling regularly and we cannot keep up with our financial obligations.  Jesus has brought many people forward to help us out, but the crisis is SO huge that anyone in normal circumstances could never solve it.  It is a God-sized problem with a God-sized solution.  In the past five years we have exhausted nearly every resource we have at our disposal to launch LCMI.  Our personal investments, savings, home equity, and credit have been consumed.  I stopped keeping track of the numbers earlier this year as we saw the cost of following His call approaching the $90,000.00 mark. 

However, I would not change a minute of this journey, nor would I alter the price tag if it meant losing out on knowing Jesus the way I have come to know Him through this. The things He has been teaching us are life-changing, and He has been so evident, faithful, and present through it all.  Almost daily He encourages us to not give up.  But because of the pressure, some pretty ugly things have been wrung out of us, and I cannot escape facing how Jesus DOES come for our words sometimes.  When we launched LCMI in 2001, I told Him I would follow Him no matter the cost.  However, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I told Him that and in my pain I sometimes wonder if I should try selling air conditioners to Eskimos… anything would have to be better than this.

One of our foundational statements is, LCMI does not campaign or attempt to raise support by petitioning churches or individuals for financial contributions. The majority of our support comes from those who are led by God to give; it is our firm conviction that if this ministry is of the Lord, He will provide all we need.  By what I see in our circumstances, it appears that God is not providing…  but look at Jesus in the wilderness.

And when He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He was afterwards hungry. And when the tempter came to Him, he said, If You are the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. But He answered and said, It is written, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God."  (Matthew 4:2-4 MKJV)

Man doesn’t live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.  We may be in difficult circumstances, but God speaks to us nearly everyday.  Likewise, look at what He says in 2 Peter…

Grace and peace be multiplied to you through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, according as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who has called us to glory and virtue. (2 Peter 1:2-3 MKJV)

Romans 3:4 says to “let God be true and every man the liar.”   Daily I am faced with the choice to believe that I have everything I need for life and godliness, regardless of my bank account or credit card balance.  Daily I am faced with the choice to believe what God says no matter how much my unbelieving flesh screams against trusting Him.  Daily I am faced with choosing Christ over comfort.  Daily I am faced with the choice to follow no matter the cost. 

What about your life today?  How has following Jesus cost you more than you ever thought it would?  How is Jesus making you a partaker in the fellowship of His sufferings?  How are you faced with choosing Christ over comfort? 

Soon you will be hearing from me on the following passage, which is VERY applicable to what we are going through… And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of Heaven is taken by violence, and the violent take it by force. (Matthew 11:12 MKJV)  Shalom, friends.