Marriage
by Mike Rule

For many people, there is nothing like marriage to reveal the root of their selfishness and pride. It’s not that marriage is a requirement for this revelation; God can work in the single person’s life in myriad ways to bring that same understanding. But for many, it takes more than dealings between themselves and the Lord. It takes the uncontrollable kingdom-wrecker called a mate. Oftentimes I tell people that one of God’s primary purposes in marriage is to make a person miserable so he or she will turn more fully to Him.

I was recently counseling with a woman who was lamenting that her husband is not obedient to the Lord (he does not visibly demonstrate that he loves her). She also shared how her husband complains that she does not respect him. Her question to me was, “How can I respect him when he is so unrespectable?”

I shared with this woman that the commands to love and respect are not for the sake of one’s mate but for the good of oneself. To obey is best for the obedient one! The command for a wife to respect is not because it is best for the husband. He may be created to need the respect, but the command is what is best for the wife. Whether he is respectable or not, if she will respect him, it brings HER freedom, peace and joy. Likewise, the command for husbands to love their wives is for the good of husbands, not wives.

The real catch comes when I judge what my mate is NOT doing rather than examining my own ways and shortcomings and turning to the Lord in my own failures. The epitome of this came to me one day while counseling a man who complained about his wife: how she was a slob, a lousy cook, a lousy mom, a lousy homemaker. I asked if he reminded her of her failures on a daily basis. He quickly responded that he did because he wants her to change. When I shared the passage, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church,” I asked this man if Jesus treats his Bride the way he was treating his. He admitted that Jesus didn’t do that. Then I challenged him with this thought: “People rise to the way you treat them. If you treat your wife like a whore, will she ever rise above acting like one? Why not treat her like a princess for a while? You may be amazed at how she responds.” We often create in our mates what we hate by our reactions.

Marriage brings out our self-righteousness, arrogance, and pride, and it is tailor-made to destroy our personal kingdom, glory, pride and righteousness. How many of us would sign up for marriage if we knew that God would use it to tear us down before building us up? Our human goal in marriage is comfort, relationship, intimacy and love. But these things are added only AFTER we first seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Marriage keeps us turning to the Lord. And that is God’s purpose in ALL things.

Verses for Reflection

Take heed to listen to all these Words which I am commanding you, in order that it may be well with you and with your sons after you forever, when you do that which is good and right in the eyes of Jehovah your God. (Deuteronomy 12:28 LITV)

"He led you through the great and terrible wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water; He brought water for you out of the rock of flint.”In the wilderness He fed you manna which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do good for you in the end. "Otherwise, you may say in your heart, 'My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth.' "But you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who is giving you power to make wealth, that He may confirm His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day. (Deuteronomy 8:15-18 NASB)

"If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? (Luke 6:33a NASB)

But love the ones hostile to you, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be much; and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the unthankful and evil ones. (Luke 6:35 LITV)

So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord loves the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. (Ephesians 5:28-30 MKJV)

Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don't take advantage of them. (Colossians 3:18-19 MSG)