Forgiveness: Two Sides
By Mike Rule

As I talk and counsel with people, the issue of forgiveness in human relationships seems to continually come up. I hear things like: "Why should I forgive?" "I don't know if I can forgive!" "I'll never forgive." "They didn't ask me to forgive!" etc. I would imagine we have all said things like this at one time or another. I am discovering that there are two sides to forgiveness: the seeking, and the granting.

On one side we often say "I'm sorry" to people for what we have done, but rarely ask "Will you forgive me?". We hesitate to place ourselves under someone else's power by asking for forgiveness. When we truly seek forgiveness there are no guarantees that another human being will grant it. That is a vulnerable place to be! Yet this is a place of humility. Can we be that vulnerable?

On the other side there is the place of granting forgiveness, either "asked for" or "un-asked for." On the "asked for side" it is hard because when someone asks us to forgive them we might be hesitant because of hurt, rejection, and all that can go with it. On the "un-asked for" side there may be unwillingness because we know we cannot trust the person. We feel that if we forgive them for what they have done -- even if they are unwilling to see their need to be forgiven -- we are somehow opening up ourselves to greater hurt in the future.

The issue here in the granting and seeking of forgiveness is this: we are missing the purpose in forgiveness. God does not command us to seek forgiveness and grant forgiveness for His sake, or for the sake of those with whom we relate. He tells us to forgive because He knows what is best for US! If we are not willing to seek forgiveness, the people that we have offended will always have power over us. We will always feel uneasy and want to avoid them. He tells us to seek forgiveness so that we can be free. This is also true when it comes to granting forgiveness to those that have hurt and offended us, even if they have not asked for it. It is not for their sake, but ours that He commands us to forgive. Why? Because we will continue to carry the baggage of our hurt around with us and never be free of it. Whenever we are unwilling to forgive or seek forgiveness we have given that person the power to make us miserable.

So can we really do it? No. Some of us think we can and I suppose to a certain degree this is true, but Christ has commanded us to forgive as He has forgiven us. Can we go all the way and hold no hidden bitterness or resentment deep in our hearts? Only Christ through us can truly forgive and set us totally free. If you were to hurt one of my children or my wife, I know I couldn't really forgive you. In fact, I probably would not want to. But Christ living in me and flowing through me can do everything that I cannot do. Every issue drives me to Jesus. Every issue that I cannot handle is God's voice reminding me, "Hey, You need me!"

Many of us are carrying deep wounds. Jesus Christ offers us freedom from and healing for those wounds. If you will admit you can not fix your hurt and change your bitterness and are you willing to see that only He can, then you are in a prime spot to see the power of God at work in your life. Jesus came to save us from the hell of eternity, but He also came to set us free from the hell of our daily torture and pain. He came to set us free and save us moment by moment. "If the Son sets you free, you shall be free in deed!" (John 8:36)