To Die is Gain
By Mike Rule

(The following is the message I gave at my mom's funeral.  Please understand that this is simply the manuscript of the message that the Lord led me to share, and it is not intended to be a "developed" article. )

At time like this we all have lots of feelings coursing through us: Feelings of Hopelessness, Loneliness, Desperation, and Frustration. We are hurting, we feel abandoned by God, angry at cancer, and angry with God – we may even doubt the very existence of God. I have to be honest and tell you that these are just some of my feelings right now. You can fill in the blanks with some of your own…

God calls His children to be a people of faith. Yet when someone suffers horribly and dies at a relatively young age like mom did, we struggle with these feelings and we ask serious and deep questions of God and ourselves. How can God allow this kind of thing? What kind of God is this? What good is our faith in the midst of these kind of unanswerable questions?

Hebrews 11 has been on my mind a lot in light of this. This chapter is all about people of faith and in it we find God’s “faith hall of fame.” God lists almost an entire chapter of people who believed and received from God. But God does not shy away from the unanswerable when he tells us about the ones who believed and never received. He says that the world was not worthy of them. In many ways through the many months of pain that she endured, mom believed God had a purpose in her suffering. She found great comfort in 2nd Corinthians 1:3&4 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the same comfort which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Mom believed that God had a purpose for her in her struggles, and she and I talked extensively about that. She firmly believed that God was calling her to be a discipleship counselor and her desire through her struggle was to figure out what God was revealing about Himself and His calling on her life. Like Jonah, mom cried out to the Lord in her distress. She sought His comfort and desired to know His sufficiency so that she could share that same comfort with others. But unlike with Jonah, God was frustratingly and most conspicuously silent. She believed God for many things, but she did not receive. Yet, when she was in the hospital being told she had no more that 48 hours to live, she said to the doctor – not once but twice – “God is an awesome God.” With that kind of faith, where was God? Mom believed what she had underlined in Philippians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ," and yet she never received it.

Steve Brown of Key Life wrote about this in a recent newsletter article about the book of Esther. He says,

“Let me tell you something that I’ve learned in my study of the book of Esther… ”God is most omnipotently present when He is most conspicuously absent.” In other words, God doesn’t just visit worship services and bible studies. He visits the battle field in Iraq, a strip joint in Atlanta where a friend is reaching out in Christ’s name to strippers, and in the Gay community where my friends at Harvest USA… are caring enough to be compassionate, loving an honest… …and in your life and mine when we think He doesn’t care and that He has gone away and left us alone. God’s presence is everywhere with His people. He’s there when we aren’t following Him too closely, when we think that everything has fallen apart, and when we aren’t even thinking about Him. He is there – caring, loving, forgiving, redeeming, and changing us into the image of Christ, using us to reach out to a world that desperately needs to hear from those who know He is there, even when it doesn’t feel like it.”

Steve is right. God is most omnipotently present when He is most conspicuously absent. Our feelings of hurt, anger, frustration, and confusion are legitimate and we need to express those to God. God can handle that, but we also need to be willing to receive His comfort. Not a worldly comfort that is dependent upon our circumstances, but a spiritual comfort that far exceeds all understanding. However, spiritual comfort may not always be comfortable from the human perspective. Mom lies here today as a testimony to that.

But the most powerful and applicable passage amongst the ones that mom underlined in Philippians is found in chapter 1:20&21. This passage is a testimony not only to what she believed, but it is a testimony of her life -- and her death.  “For me, to live is Christ, to die is gain” She may not have received the health and healing that she believed Him for, but she did gain.

I remember a time when I was 4 or 5 years old. It was in the middle of winter when we were living in Northern Michigan. I came running home very excited to show mom and dad a handful of pretty rocks I had found on the side of the street while walking home from school. Just imagine the look on my face as I waited in eager expectation for my parents to share in the pleasure of these beauties. As mom examined the gems I was holding in the palm of my hand, she got a funny look on her face. As graciously as she could she gently told me, “Michael, these aren’t rocks they are pieces of frozen dog poop.” Mom knew what real pretty rocks looked like, and she knew dog poop when she saw it. I was the one who was confused.

In the last forty-eight hours of mom’s life I was begging and pleading with God for a miracle. I was begging and pleading for Him to heal her. From my perspective it seemed like a beautiful thing. I wanted her around for another 20 or 30 years. I wanted mom to fulfill more of her dreams in life. I wanted to be able to take her with me to Australia next year. From my perspective it seemed like a beautiful thing for her to be healed and restored to physical health & life. Then God - in a very gracious and gentle voice said to me, “Michael, that’s dog poop.” God knows what real pretty rocks look like, and He knows dog poop when He sees it. Once again I am the one who is confused. Perhaps you are too?

The challenge God is offering to every one of us today is this: in spite of what we feel -- will we trust Him? Will we trust that He knows what He is doing? Will we trust Him in the midst of these most confusing circumstances, in the midst of our hurt, pain, loneliness, and anger?

From my perspective, to live is gain, and to die is Christ. But I can only see dimly as through a glass, but when I see clearly – when I see things from a higher plain – when I see things as God see them, to live is Christ and to die is gain! These are not just words on a page, but they are the testimony of a person who followed God and who let Christ live through her to do what she could never have done in her own strength. Moms own words bear witness to this.

The video segment that you are about to see is very short. Perhaps the words mom is going to share with us in this brief video clip will better express her heart and will challenge us to seeking deeper intimacy with Christ. (Note: this video segment was shown during the service)  Perhaps her words will challenge us to take up our cross and follow Him so that we too can come to the point of saying, “I trust you Lord, my life is in your hands… and “though You slay me, yet I will trust You.”