Nearly two months have passed since I wrote the first four segments of this series. Throughout this time as I have reflected on Him and all the challenges these past months have presented, I still have no real answers to the question of, Why? Why did Mom have to go now? Why does He have us in our present circumstances? Why, why, why?

Is it wrong for us to ask God, "Why?" I think not. In fact, I think God encourages it. Yet I also see a big grin on His face as He responds to me with the very same words I have used with my own children when they ask, Why. "I don’t mind your asking why, but first watch and see. You will learn more by simply being patient and observing than you would ever learn if I told you why. If you don’t understand by the time I am finished, then you may ask why."

I think the one thing that has struck me about Mom’s death was the unreal-ness of it, even though I was with her right through the end. I remember standing in the hospital room, and my dad and I had just finished gathering all the things we needed to take with us before they took her body away. As I was walking out the door, I remember looking over at her body and wanting to say, "Well, Mom, you did it! You endured; you made it through wonderfully. Come on. Now let’s go home and talk about it over coffee." In some ways I’m still waiting for that cup of coffee.

Rationally, I know she is gone. Emotionally, it is still not real. At times the emotions come raging over me and the words that boil up from the depth of my soul only give a glimpse of the anguish that must still be deep inside. Then they are gone, and it all remains so unreal.

For years I bought the lie that life would be easy and comfortable if I trusted Jesus. Who said life was to be easy? How we wish to overlook the words of scripture that prove otherwise. I have a friend who stresses the importance of having a doctrine of suffering. I agree with his heart, but have also come to realize that every believer DOES have a doctrine of suffering of one kind or another. It is just that some people have a doctrine that manipulates everything in life to AVOID suffering. How this contrasts the words of Jesus: "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." (John 16:33 NLT)

Are we willing to let Jesus overcome our internal torment stemming from our struggles so that we can experience His peace, or are we manipulating our lives to avoid suffering at all costs? Do we want a comfort-centered life, or a Christ-centered life? Are we willing to let Jesus be everything to us regardless of our situation?

Verses for Reflection: "… since we are his children, we will share his treasures—for everything God gives to his Son, Christ, is ours, too. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later. (Romans 8:17) Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them… (2 Timothy 3:12-14)